I wrote this about six months ago for another website, but it seems equally appropriate for Prolixity. I have seen a lot of scary movies since I wrote it, but I’m not sure any deserve a spot more than the movies that are already here. Bunhongsin (The Red Shoes) was extremely well done, but I can’t say it keeps me up at night. La Horde, a French zombie movie, would be another candidate, but I need to see it another time or two to be sure.
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It was actually pretty tough to make this list — I ended up with 15 good movies and had to winnow out the weakest entries. My final standard of recognition was how long the movie sat with me after I turned it off. Did it haunt me that night? Was I still chewing over the ending at lunch the following week? Do I still to this day worry about finding… well, just wait and read the list.
The most influential horror movie of the last 10 years has to be Saw. It spawned a million sequels, revitalized indy horror, and really gave a name to the torture porn genre (link is safe and informative!). That being said, I generally loathe torture porn movies and you won’t find Saw or any of its ilk on this list. Instead we have an unsurprising 5 zombie movies, 3 generally supernatural titles, and 2 plain ol’ human killers.
And so, in alphabetical order:
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| … or how I learned to stop worrying and love the fast zombies. This had everything you could ask for from a serious zombie movie: “who is the real monster?” philosophizing, a solid origin story, devastating urban wasteland, and a true crushing sense of being alone. I walked out of this movie with the sense that I had just watched the most realistic portrayal of a zombie apocalypse since Dawn of the Dead classic.
A link: The 28 Days Later Urban Exploration page for abandoned asylums. Why is the group named that? I don’t know, but these photos are creeeeeeeepy.
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| Frailty talks a lot about god, has a twist ending, and stars Matthew McConaughey, and yet it improbably all comes together in a very satisfying way. I almost can’t say anything about the movie without giving away a bit of the magic. Let’s just call it an interesting take on the line between religious fervor and insanity. If you enjoy psychological thrillers more than blood’n'guts, this movie is for you. |
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| Okay, let’s get this out of the way up front: I hated the end of this movie. The twist? At the end? Arrrrgh. Crappy crappity crap crap. But up until that point, High Tension lived up every bit to its name. The movie oozes terror from every pore. Plus it’s French, so if you watch it with subtitles it also counts as a cultural experience.
A link: 50 Must-See French Horror Movies |
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| I debated internally for a while about whether this is actually even a horror movie. And really, that says a lot about the quality of this film: it has a vampire and more than one horrible bloody death, but at the end you are left with a sense of poetry and perverse whimsy that transcends the genre. Hollywood made an American remake of this, of course, those buzzards. It’s titled “Let Me In”, which makes me think right off the bat that someone doesn’t understand the true message of the original. |
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| Of all the movies on my list, I predict this one will cause the most groans. (Stuff it, Max!) I stand by my decision, though. Rodriguez (and I suspect a bit of Tarantino) smooshed up all of the greatest genre cliches into one rollicking ride of a movie. It has hot babes, dastardly men, military intrigue, cheesy over-the-top special effects, and a LEG GUN. I’m not saying it’s a pinnacle of art, but much like another movie that almost made it on this list, Zombieland, Planet Terror is two hours of good fun American movie-making.
A link: How to make a Cherry Darling cosplay gun (no amputation required). |
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| From a raucous American movie to reserved Canadian content! This is a small, subtle movie with approximately 3 sets, 5 actors, and one giant idea. What if a deadly disease isn’t spread through biting or airborne molecules? What if instead it is spread.. through speech? A linguistic virus — it’s a fascinating concept. In a press interview at the time the director (Bruce McDonald, famous Canadian!) said that his movie doesn’t have zombies but instead “conversationalists”. Conversationalists. Love it. Love it! Love love lovelovelololololooooooooooooooo…… |
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| So there I am, sitting in my dark apartment by myself, watching a cinéma-vérité-style movie about zombies in a dark apartment building. It was TERRIFYING. And you don’t have to be in an apartment to find [REC] scary — this Spanish flick excels at being horrifying without showing its hand. The characters are confused, they’re scared, they’re in the dark, and things want to eat them. Plus: subtitles, so again you can feel all cultured. |
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| Interestingly enough, despite having seen many of them, the only Asian horror movie on my list is.. an American remake. And don’t get me wrong: most J- or K-horror remakes are abominable, but The Ring somehow manages to keep the heart of a good atmospheric ghost story with just a dash of North American dazzle. Plus, it has that scene. You know the one, with the TV? Possibly the most horrifying 10 seconds EVER. (I also spent way too long thinking about who I would pass my Evil Video Tape to if I got Ring’ed in real life.)
A link: Watching the cursed video on YouTube won’t haunt me, right? Hang on, my phone is ringing…. |
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| David Caruso is frequently scary in a oh-god-why-am-I-watching-CSI-Miami way, but he delivers a subtle little performance in Session 9. This movie is definitely a psychological horror, with an abandoned asylum, mysterious patient tapes, and ambiguous flashbacks. Probably the best flick on this whole list for the squeamish. |
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| Well duh. |
Always a bridesmaid: Cloverfield, The Decent, Pulse (yes, Pulse), Tale of Two Sisters, Zombieland.
Cat: Hey, man, I’m so hungry I just have to eat.
Lister: Rimmer’s Dad’s died.
Cat: Well, I’d prefer chicken.
Emergency. There’s an emergency going on. It’s still going on.
Okay, it’s not an emergency, but it is big news: Red Dwarf is coming back for another round! Not only will we get six new episodes, making up the show’s tenth season, but all the actors will be back, the writers will be back, and (from what I can tell) obnoxious late-series Kochanski will NOT be back. Everybody wins!
While I’m here, thanks to the internet the RD fan in your life can have his very own Mr. Flibble. I just hope he doesn’t get cross…
Paul, 2011
Before I start, let me get just one thing off my chest: I am a Simon Pegg and Nick Frost fangirl. I watch their movies, follow their Twitters, read articles I find about them. I bought Pegg’s book. I am pretty clearly within their intended audience, so keep that frame of reference with you as you read this.
That all being said, while I enjoyed Paul and I would recommend it, it’s not amazing. No new ground is broken, no genres invented, no comedic highs hit. Your life will not be changed by watching it. If, however, you are looking for nothing more than a fun little diversion with lots of nerd culture jokes then this is the movie for you!
There are two things that Pegg and Frost do very well, and Paul is full of them both: geek references and bromances. The two of them were adorable together in both Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz and that continues here — they are indeed the ideal heterosexual lifemates, as it were. The actors’ real life friendship shines through their interactions, adding a really sincere element to their on-screen shenanigans.
I saw a lot of reviews mention that the movie poorly handles its midwest redneck stereotypes, to the point where I was kind of expecting a reverse Deliverance or at least a lot of very crude charactures. As it turns out, though, I think Pegg and Frost were actually nicer to the ignorant religious types in Paul than they ever were to rural township busybodies in Hot Fuzz. It didn’t really seem that transgresive to me.
Anyway, in short I believe you will get your value from seeing Paul if one or more of the following is correct:
- You laugh when aliens and cute girls cuss like sailors.
- You enjoy nerdy pop culture references.
- You have enjoyed the previous Pegg/Frost movies.
- You like movies that are sweet, silly, and don’t take themselves too seriously.
I give Paul a very lippy:
Happy Monday! What did you do this weekend? Did it involve… crafts?
Oh sure, crafts are good in theory. They usually involve skill to some degree, give us an outlet for creativity, and when you’re done you have something to display in your home or give as a gift to someone you love. But as with all things in life sometimes people can get a little overstimulated with crafts. Like, for example, buying a book on knitting your own Royal Wedding, including templates for knitters to add themselves to the event.
“Oh, Yarn Prince William, Yarn Kate doesn’t understand you like I do! In yarn.”
Of course the crafters themselves are not always the only ones affected by their lopsided work. Sometimes loved ones also pay the toll, like these 20 Sad Etsy Boyfriends. The jauntiness of their crocheted caps belies the haunted pain in their eyes.
Update: To balance out my earlier smack talk I figured I should link this page on how to felt the Angry Birds. They are, in fact, adorable.
Yeah, I’m not sure what’s going on here either. (via Designer Daily)
Cure, 1997
This movie is often inaccurately billed as a horror movie, I guess because it’s easily marketable that way. That does Cure an injustice, however — it’s more a psychological thriller than anything, and one with some genuinely interesting points to make. Yes, people die. Yes, there is some blood (but not gore). But this is not a horror movie!
Director Kiyoshi Kurosawa (who also directed one of my favorites, Pulse) does an amazing job of making the world claustrophobic in a way that’s reminiscent of Kubrick. The movie is tense and creepy, and meditates on how much we can control our own behavior. Plus, check out the neat Japanese movie poster!
I watch a lot of Asian horror and I will fully admit that a lot of the appeal is the grody exploitation factor. In this case, however, Cure is a genuinely great movie that was clearly put together with a lot of care and thought.
I rate this:
The Red Shoes (Bunhongsin), 2005
So let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: the shoes are pink. It’s not your screen… they’re pink. Not red.
Okay, so that aside I figured that this would be your average Asian ghost movie and it turned out to be much better and much twistier than I expected! The characters were good, the directing was excellent, and it was much more than the standard “oh no, hair!”. I was even surprised by the ending, and I am one of those smug bastards who loves to guess the ending ahead of time.
Highly recommended!
I rate this:
Wasabi, 2001
Okay, so Jean Reno plays a hard boiled French detective and ex-spy who goes back to Japan to find out who killed the love of his life… and who is now after her daughter. Chaos ensues!
This movie is extremely French, even though it’s mostly set in Japan. Very, very French. It’s not particularly clever, but it is a lot of fun, and few people can play hardasses like Jean Reno. My favorite part of this movie was how it gave me a window into how France (and the rest of Europe, perhaps?) sees Japan.
So nothin’ special, but a fun little movie to watch while having a beer or three with friends on Friday night.
Rating: